The Sacrament

So much pain and agony that my heart, spirit and soul were turning to dust at my feet. I was literally dying by attempting to save myself. And so I ate…I ate from the wisdom of what was given to us all so that we may learn. I ate so that my eyes would be opened and I could be helped to see what would have otherwise never been known. I was all alone and tried to be brave. For fifteen enormous hours I endured, and for this many hours I lived and died. I went to places that only the most dedicated and truest of servants are allowed to set their spiritual eyes upon. I fell down onto bended knees with a broken back so that I could be healed from my darkest deaths of not knowing.

We have been used… both of us using each other as tools for what will become the most miraculous of events in a beings lifetime. We have both been instrumental in the forging process of what will bring you and I closer into the comprehension of the cosmic dance. For this I have to thank you because it was through your physical betrayal that your soul helped catapult me into a new dimension of unshakable faith. None of this was anything that we had a say about. This "dance" happens all around us and at all times. For some... they fail to notice, or haven't been blessed with the "teachers", or "seers" as we have. I have been yours and in return, you have been mine.

We both continue to teach and offer each other lessons that bring us closer home to where our souls will be in constant nourishment, and fed the milk and honey of our Blessed One. Because pain and hurt are essential to this progress; we must welcome what we don't initially understand, all the while knowing that there is an orchestra of works in progress. Without these events, our spiritual life would become stagnant... perhaps forever. For now... we must allow that to happen in the most harmonious fashion that will sing a chorus to our heart's truest beat. You must be honest with yourself my beloved. Our lives are changing, and our souls are awakening from their cocoons of slumber into the most beautiful of God's colors that we have ever yet to see. With this in mind... our patience will be unshakable and our faith will become a mountain that will hold us up to anything that life may offer. Oh…how can I even hope to express myself with these most elementary of words…? I do hope something is ringing in your ears loud enough to know that I am in comprehension of what happened to us… why… and where it is taking us. I will not let this die in me now. I will feel the pain in its entirety and allow it to move me forward, and not avoid it… causing me to stumble backwards in defeat. The separation of our “physical” selves is without a doubt absolutely fundamental in a growth that would have otherwise never had happened. I have opened my heart again and a newer, more powerful Love then ever has sprung forth. I keep you safe in my heart and when the time is right, we shall be reborn and go to the burning grounds together.

We never spoke a word tonight but you have moved me in ways you will never know, and so I speak to your SOUL from the very depths of my heart. This is not a love poem or letter, because this is not that love. This is what moves a man so strongly that he cries tears of joy as he writes in darkness only pierced by candles. This is not a love that has conditions but a pure and honest love that all man's words could never do justice trying to explain. I am in Love with your Soul on a level that you don't even know you own. This is a Love that can hear your footsteps walking up to me that sound like a hundred marching orchestras making my heart take flight like it has wings. This is a Love that recognizes your walk like the very exhale that leaves my lungs. This is the Love that turns your steps into a thousand musical notes. This is the Love that can smell you through concrete walls. This is the Love whose scent knows no limits and enters every pore. This is the Love that turns my insides to giggles and makes my whole body smile from head to toe. This is the Love that is Spirit, Soul and Truth. This is the Love that is only shared by a God that IS LOVE and wants to show us what we can expect to be rewarded with, in the most infinitesimal way that He knows possible for our incomprehensible minds to possibly fathom making sense. This is the Love that was shared with you tonight, without a single word. This IS the Love that I had to give to you so you will always know. YOU always will be my gift and that is what makes me cry these tears of joy!

My words tremble out of me as I write this because this is what I am. I am only words… and these words are only words that I can speak with my hands. If there were only some way that I could describe to you how strongly you have made the Spirit move through me in just the short time that we have “re” connected on this path we know as life. But I can't. The only way I can even begin to EVEN BEGIN, is to show you what I can do with ME. My Soul. And this may take a thousand lifetimes that only two lovers can know. You are that Love that has been gifted to me and that I know goes beyond all time. If I can only ever hope to be a flickering of memory that awakens something deep within you, then all the trials of my life will have been well spent. I now know that this is all I could ever hope to give and with this realization, I write this gift of love through tears and darkness inked from the blood in my heart.